Small talk is the most useless form of communication known to mankind. Its only purposes are to fill silences and to extend politeness, or at least the appearance of politeness, to others. Antisocial husbands who point and grunt communicate much more in their behavior than those who engage in small talk. Pointing and grunting is direct and tells others what you want, which is more than small talk can boast. Even lying is a more useful interaction. Lying often smooths over conflict, or potential conflict, and usually helps the liar achieve some goal. Small talk achieves nothing, reveals nothing, wastes time, and can even form a barrier between individuals that prevents them from moving on to meaningful conversation.
People advise against discussing religion, politics, or other touchy issues with others; this is a fairly well-established social rule. I, however, love to delve into hot topics such as sex, religion, war, capital punishment, and a whole range of other taboo subjects as part of my ‘getting-to-know-you’ ritual. I have never met someone who was offended by such conversation and I always have deep, meaningful exchanges when I talk about those things. Rather than dabble in meaningless chatter, I pave the way forward to connection and friendship by bringing up hot-button issues from the get-go. I have found that most people are passionate about, and enjoy, talking about such issues as long as the discussion remains respectful-which it always does. Hearing people’s opinions on hot topics gives me huge insights into who they are as individuals and how they view the world and their relation to it; they also learn more about what makes me ME at a fundamental level.
If I don’t particularly care to get to know someone, or if I just want to show some brief politeness before heading on my way, I use small talk to effectively end conversation quickly, which allows me to move on to others I really enjoy being around. It’s not that I dislike the person; it’s just that I have nothing else to say but I want to appear nice and sociable. Sometimes I actually do dislike the person so I use small talk because I don’t want to make enemies while at the same time I want to discouraging further talking. For me, small talk is, at best, a convenient but often irritating social tool that allows me to be polite with minimal effort. I know almost blow-by-blow how the conversations will go and I can judge when I am permitted to move on and talk to someone else or to go do something else. First I’ll say “how are you?” Then they’ll respond with “good, how are you?” Then I’ll smile a little, bob my head a few times, and respond with “good,” regardless of how I actually feel (no one will tell a fellow small-talker that they are having a totally shitty day). Sometimes I’ll even spice it up and say “pretty good”-just to keep them on their toes. This exchange is usually followed by some observation of the weather or an obvious, neutral statement about the immediate surroundings. This could range from “it’s kinda’ windy today” to “I should have brought my jacket, but I left it at home.” Sometimes, if someone is feeling creative and wild, they’ll say something like “when do you think it’ll start?” or “wow, there’s a lot of people here.” Small talk is generally accompanied by pretending to look at something interesting in the immediate vicinity, head bobbing, and appropriate monosyllabic responses. Small talk tells me that someone is just trying to be polite and they don’t actually care, so I try not to waste their time and instead oblige them with boring, unrevealing dialogue.
Small talk is the bane of real emotional and intellectual exchange. All meaningful conversation is squelched by its uninspired and predictable back-and-forths. If you actually want to get to know someone or to grow closer to them, steer clear of this social evil. Joke, be sarcastic in a good-naturedly kind of way (these tactics tend to work best on guys because they always fire off an equally quirky and fun remark), talk about what you really care about, and genuinely try to learn more about the other person. Treat everyone like you’ve known them for years and assume that if they actually do have something interesting to say about the weather, they will tell you without being prompted.
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